I Want You With Me
by queenkepner
Summary: April gets married to Matthew, but everything feels out of place. Jackson's confession haunts her all the time, and he won't give up on her. Will they be able to overcome everything and finally be together? Or will April chose Matthew forever? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

The minute Jackson walked out of her barn per her request, April could feel her heart break into a tiny million pieces. But she had to hold it in, if not for her, then for Matthew. And their families. They owed it to God and everyone in the room to get married. So she sucked in every bit of emotion she felt and continued the ceremony.

When the groom kissed the bride, it felt wrong. Not only to her, but to the people watching them. April felt like a lifeless corpse as she went on to what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, but strangely the happiest thing that had happened to her today was also the most devastating.

Jackson, her best friend, her ex lover, her person, loved her. And not in a small way, no in a big i'll-stand-up-at-your-wedding kind of way. But she couldn't tell him she felt the same because it wasn't fair. He didn't want her when she wanted him, and now it was too late.

At the party April overheard Matthew and his friends discussing Jackson's speech. "A total nut-job, what, he thinks he can bang her and they're meant to be together? So glad she chose you, Matt. It was a no brainer." One of his friends laughed. "Goes to show how shallow and stupid plastic surgeons are." Matthew added. April could feel the anger boiling inside of her, because Jackson was anything but shallow. He cared about his patients, and his smile could make anyone feel warm and fuzzy, as if everything was going to be okay.

On their wedding night April refused to have sex. Matthew was angry, and in their argument the words "Jackson" "I'm not him" "We waited so long" kept coming up, but all she did was cry. Matthew was a nice man, but everything he did kept making her want to disappear more and more.

She knew she'd be spending the rest of her life with him, and somehow that made her cry even more. But he was the perfect man, and to stay with him was something she owed to a lot of people. "I love you." Matthew mumbled as she fell asleep, but the words felt wrong now, because she'd heard them from someone else that day.

On Tuesday April decided to go back to work, it had been a few days since the wedding and Matthew and her still hadn't done it, but she felt too empty to even move out of bed. Being a nice man, he didn't force her into anything, but she could feel that he was getting impatient. Soon, she would have to commit herself, as if the wedding wasn't already enough.

But when a familiar pair of blue eyes looked at her from across the hallway, everything inside of her melted. She tried to avoid him, so April ran as far as she could, footsteps following behind her. Once she reached the end of the surgical wind, she spun around to meet the man who'd been haunting her thoughts for the past few days.

"April…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Can we.. can we talk?" Jackson asked weakly. He looked pale, his usual confident demeanour gone.

"No. You don't get to talk! You don't get to speak, you don't get to breathe right now! That was my wedding, Jackson. My wedding! YOU. STOOD. UP. AT. MY. WEDDING. You don't get to be sorry!" She yelled so loud the whole surgical floor could hear, but she didn't care. After all, if he could stand up at her wedding, she sure as hell could tell him what she thought. She let out a sob, and started hitting his chest, hard.

"April…" He tried to comfort her, but in that moment all he wanted to do was curse Mark Sloan and his stupid advice. "I'm sorry."

"NO. YOU'RE NOT." Her shouts were ear piercing and sent a shiver down his spine, not once in his life had he heard April so mad. Usually, she was sweet and slightly neurotic. But this was completely new.

After that, April had decided to go home. She stayed with Matthew, who kept asking her if she was okay. He was sweet, making her coffee and agreeing to wait until she got better to even try and make a move. April knew he was getting tired of it, the whole act. But this was the right way, she was meant to end up with a good Christian man who loved, supported and shared her beliefs. She owed it to him, she owed it to God, and she owed it to herself.

In all of this mess, Jackson had resolved to drinking. No one had cared enough to join him as he drowned in sorrows at Joe's, and he dreaded ever seeing anyone who'd heard his fight with the red head.

Maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut. April had seemed happy with Matthew, content to a perfect life in a white picket fence house. Jackson knew those were things he couldn't offer, and that their life would be full of his overbearing family and foundation, along with tireless hours at work. But he did, he loved her. And it kind of hit him that he always had.

They met intern year, she was the cute brunette with the red notebook, but they weren't really friends until the hospitals merged together. Sure, they'd had a few drinks here and there, especially since his best friend then, Charles Percy, had the biggest possible crush on her best friend, Reed.

But April was never the girl Jackson thought he would end being in love with. Possibly because he'd actually never really believed in the whole love and soul mate crap. If every person had only one soul mate, then what were they supposed to do once that person was gone? How are you supposed to go on with half of yourself is gone, and you're not destined to be with anyone else? That thought always haunted Jackson, until he saw April standing in her wedding dress, about to marry another man.

She looked beautiful, her eyes sparkled and she glowed among the lilies and roses. That's when it hit him she was the most beautiful person he'd ever met. The way she was babbling was something he found annoyingly enchanting, and her laugh was the one sound he could listen to for hours.

Jackson thought it was funny it'd taken him so long to realize he loved her, because in that moment it's all he ever wanted to do for the rest of his life, like it was right. Them together was just right.

But the lilies and roses weren't his. The man at the altar wasn't him. The family sitting opposite hers weren't the Avery's.

So he drank. He drank because his best friend would possibly never forgive him, and because he possibly wouldn't ever forgive himself for letting her go in the first place.

She was married. April had said no to him. Her exact words had been "Jackson, I think you should go." So he had. He had left the barn with his heart pounding a thousand miles per second while his best friend was marrying another guy.

After a few drinks, he still felt as sober as when he'd first gotten here. Maybe his unhappiness was too real and raw to be drowned into alcohol. But his thoughts quickly vanished when the person who'd been the ghost of his thoughts furiously approached him, her face stained with tears and pain.

"You don't love me. You love the idea that you can be the guy who swoops the girl off her feet. What, did you think I was unhappy? Matthew makes me happy. He isn't you but he makes me happy nevertheless. I didn't need you to come save me, Jackson." She uttered slowly, and each word dripped like venom into his blood. "I don't need you to save me."

"I can't breathe." He simply stated, although his mind was making summersaults.

"What are you talking about?" April whispered, now in a softer tone.

"I.. I can't breathe. And I want to breathe, I want to be happy and I want you to be happy, but I can't breathe. When I look at you, my breath itches slower and I feel like the whole world stops. It's like an icicle has lodged itself into my ribcage, and it won't come out. I tried, damn it I really really tried. But I can't breathe. I can't breathe and I just love you." He let out, as if he'd been waiting his whole life to say it.


End file.
